Talking With Kids About Scary Events and Tragedy
Children and adults respond to trauma and tragedy in different ways. The timing of when people react to hard situations can vary— some show symptoms immediately after the event, while others may not display any signs of grief until weeks or even months later. Below are some reminders for parents, coaches, mentors, and educators on responding amid loss, trauma, disaster, or challenging circumstances.
Take time to care for yourself. Acknowledge how you are feeling and what you might need to process your emotions. You must make time for yourself to show up for your kids. Modeling calm and safety to your kids is crucial.
Be proactive with checking in with your kids for what they know or sense about what is going on. Most children are incredibly perceptive that something is wrong and they may not express that they “know something” but chances are they do or they soon will learn about it. If possible, we encourage them to hear the news from a trusted adult versus another peer or the TV.
Bringing up the conversation can feel uncomfortable and scary for us as adults. This is why it is so important to regulate yourself before having this conversation and check in.
Be honest. When communicating about the event, we encourage you to be honest with your response while recognizing the children’s age. You want to be age appropriate with your description and details of the event. This can be hard to navigate. You can always start with less details and add in more if needed or you are being asked about it. Asking them open-ended questions such as “How are you feeling right now?” “What thoughts are showing up for you after I shared this with you?” Provide space for your kids to ask questions and talk about what they are seeing or hearing. It can be tempting to fill the silence but allowing space for them to seek more information is important. Ask them if they have any questions.
Create space for their emotions– any and ALL emotions are welcomed. Supporting the expression of those emotions through talking, writing, drawing or through music can be helpful avenues for processing how they are feeling
Acknowledge that you also have emotions and feelings regarding the event.
Reassure your child of their safety. This goes for both emotional and physical security. They will be looking for you as their anchor within the storm. Talk about the helpers and others within the community that are there to help and support. The Mr. Rogers quote always is a good start – “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” You can make a list with your child about who the helpers are and if there are ways they can help when they are ready. Instill HOPE within the discussion of the event.
Continue to check-in with yourself and your child. Different emotions may arise so continuing to check-in. Let your child know you will be checking in with them and emphasize that they can ALWAYS come to you or other trusted adults if they have more questions or thoughts about what happened.
If signs of anxiety, depression show up consistently it may be time to reach out for a professional therapist to talk and learn skills to navigate the event. Please reach out to us or we are happy to connect you with a licensed and trained mental health professional.
